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老婆暗示結婚週年要一台從0到150只要3秒的時髦玩意兒……..
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
我給她買了一台體重計………..
I bought her a weighing scale.
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started...
******************************************************
昨晚回家，老婆要求去昂貴的地方消費一下…….
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
所以我帶她去了加油站………
So, I took her to a gas station..
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started...
******************************************************************
我同老婆參加她高中同學會，她一直注意鄰桌的一個喝酒的酒鬼
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
我問我老婆：你認識他？
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
她歎了一口氣：他是我前男友，自從分手後他就酗酒，多年從沒清醒過。
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
我說：老天爺，有人慶祝這檔事這麼多年啊？
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started...
******************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
我要牛排，半熟即可。
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
侍者問：你不怕瘋牛這玩意？
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
不怕，她可以點她的。
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started...
******************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
老公回答：你視力近乎完美。
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started..... .
******************************************************
我想說服老婆花$500買箱啤酒。
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
相反地，她花了$300買了盒冷霜。
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
我告訴她在夜晚時分啤酒較冷霜讓她顯得更動人。
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started....
******************************************************
我問老婆結婚週年想去哪裡。
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
她很開心地說：去一處好久沒去的地方。
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
我就建議說：那去廚房如何？
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And that's when the fight started....
******************************************************
除草機壞了，老婆提醒我要送修。可我老是有別的事礙著，車子，釣魚，電子郵件等等。
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
最後她想到一招對付我。
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
有一天回家，看見她拿著小剪刀，剪啊剪著長長的草。
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
我進屋子，拿了一把牙刷給她。我說：草剪完了，順便把車道掃一掃。
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
兩人之間開始沒完沒了……….
And then the fight started...
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